I'm not even really sure what I said in the title of this post, but I know it's not "Please lie down with me this evening."
I am a complete language dunce. It's either that or the California educational system failed me as a youth. Spanish classes over a four year period from Intermediate School to High School were unable to teach me much more than the ever so useful translations for "My name is Jerry", "I put the blue pen on the table", and "How old are you?" Additionally I was able to pick up a few phrases of my own. Growing up so close to Mexico one learns very quickly "Give me a beer", "Fuck your mother in the ass", and "If you talk to my sister again I will have your whole family sent back across the border." Fortunately, I've only needed to use the first of those three.
I actually know a little more than that, but four trips to Mexico and one trip to Spain has taught me that no one wants to speak to you one word per second in any language. When someone starts talking to me in Spanish, I'm still translating word two by the time they get to word 32. Then I'm like "Fuck it, una cervesa, por favor." If they're not a bartender, they usually just walk away angry or amused.
Here in blog world, I used to have fun clicking on the "NEXT BLOG" button. Because there are so many bloggers who blog in other languages, I would play a little game of "How many clicks will it take until I find one I can actually read?" Then I managed to find enough regluar reads in English so I could stop playing"find the next English blog" game and I prefer it that way.
Additionally, I'm addicted to my site meter stats. I, probably like all of you, love seeing how people find me, how often they come here, and where they're from. My favorite is to click on the world map and see where people are checking me out from. It's super cool to see how places all over THIS country people hit from, but it's always extra special when you see someone hit from somewhere else in the world. I've had a few South Americans, Malaysians, Philippians, and some guy from Yemen checked out my blog more than once.
Then I realized it sucks that I can't check out their blogs. Even if the site meter was able to give me a link....the fuck if I could read what I saw when I got there. Still I thought it was nice for them to visit. Until I saw this:
Look, Pierre, don't even bother. I know you're all better than me because you can speak both English and French, and because you can buy good champagne for cheap, and because you can cook snails, but this is my space. I don't need you coming here all Frenching things up around here. I know your kind. You're all thankful cause we saved your ass a couple wars ago, but see how that helps me when I'm traveling in Paris and I need your help finding the Eiffel Tower. Suddenly the only English you know is "I dunt spik inglish!" Dude, I see how you are.
But since you're here anyways.....props to the food and the women. They're both tasty, I'll give you that.
On a side note, I think its hilarious that the spell checker in blogger doesn't know the word blog.