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The ramblings and observations of a kidney transplant recipient, although not necessarily for that reason.

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Wednesday, November 08, 2006

I'm not even really sure what I said in the title of this post, but I know it's not "Please lie down with me this evening."

I am a complete language dunce. It's either that or the California educational system failed me as a youth. Spanish classes over a four year period from Intermediate School to High School were unable to teach me much more than the ever so useful translations for "My name is Jerry", "I put the blue pen on the table", and "How old are you?" Additionally I was able to pick up a few phrases of my own. Growing up so close to Mexico one learns very quickly "Give me a beer", "Fuck your mother in the ass", and "If you talk to my sister again I will have your whole family sent back across the border." Fortunately, I've only needed to use the first of those three.

I actually know a little more than that, but four trips to Mexico and one trip to Spain has taught me that no one wants to speak to you one word per second in any language. When someone starts talking to me in Spanish, I'm still translating word two by the time they get to word 32. Then I'm like "Fuck it, una cervesa, por favor." If they're not a bartender, they usually just walk away angry or amused.

Here in blog world, I used to have fun clicking on the "NEXT BLOG" button. Because there are so many bloggers who blog in other languages, I would play a little game of "How many clicks will it take until I find one I can actually read?" Then I managed to find enough regluar reads in English so I could stop playing"find the next English blog" game and I prefer it that way.

Additionally, I'm addicted to my site meter stats. I, probably like all of you, love seeing how people find me, how often they come here, and where they're from. My favorite is to click on the world map and see where people are checking me out from. It's super cool to see how places all over THIS country people hit from, but it's always extra special when you see someone hit from somewhere else in the world. I've had a few South Americans, Malaysians, Philippians, and some guy from Yemen checked out my blog more than once.

Then I realized it sucks that I can't check out their blogs. Even if the site meter was able to give me a link....the fuck if I could read what I saw when I got there. Still I thought it was nice for them to visit. Until I saw this:

Look, Pierre, don't even bother. I know you're all better than me because you can speak both English and French, and because you can buy good champagne for cheap, and because you can cook snails, but this is my space. I don't need you coming here all Frenching things up around here. I know your kind. You're all thankful cause we saved your ass a couple wars ago, but see how that helps me when I'm traveling in Paris and I need your help finding the Eiffel Tower. Suddenly the only English you know is "I dunt spik inglish!" Dude, I see how you are.

But since you're here anyways.....props to the food and the women. They're both tasty, I'll give you that.
On a side note, I think its hilarious that the spell checker in blogger doesn't know the word blog.
posted by othur-me @ 4:39 PM  
  • At 7:33 PM, Blogger Stepping Over the Junk said…

    I found a blog recently (by hitting the "next" button, which I rarely do anymore because I get foreign material as well) that had the titles of each post in English but the text was in German. What's with that?????

    I couldn't avoid learning Spanish, having grown up in Malibu area. My cross country teammates mostly didnt speak English!

  • At 10:21 PM, Blogger Killer said…

    I, as well, am addicted to the stat tracking programs.
    I have a regular from the Phillipines, Taiwan, and an occasional Indonesia.
    I don't know what I would think about any Euro persons. At this point, I believe they all think we love Bush and want to rule the world.
    When we take over Europe, I am hoping they appoint Jeb as their Governor.

  • At 6:15 AM, Blogger Margaret said…

    um, I'm releived I wasn't suipposed to be able to read the title, I thought "oh god, another pretentious, languageier than thou, blogger writing over my head"... what a relief

  • At 7:39 AM, Blogger fringes said…

    I'm glad you found my blog because that's how I found you. I've been getting many quick hits lately. I don't know how accurate the stats are. I try not to worry about it too much. It's fun to check.

  • At 12:13 PM, Blogger othur-me said…

    SOTJ - I bet your coach got your team to win every match just by yelling "La Imigra!"

    Killer - How sweet will it be to see an American Flag flying over the Palace of Versaille?

    Margaret - I've been known to use words like poop and fart in my posts. It will be a long time before these posts get over your head.

    Fringes - I'm obsessed with it.

  • At 4:13 PM, Blogger Liz said…

    Killer said: I believe they all think we love Bush and want to rule the world.

    I'm pretty sure Killer does love bush (at least he spends a lot time on the internet trying to find pictures of it) and I KNOW he wants to rule the world. Killer, the French are talking about YOU specifically.

    Outhur, I had a friend who knew how to say, "Help! I need some water! My testicals are on fire!" in 7 languages. Every time he would meet someone from a foreign country he would ask them how to say that, then he would memorize what they told him.

    I admire talent like that.

  • At 5:47 PM, Blogger The Other Girl said…

    After four years of high school Spanish, the only thing I can recall is, "Iman, Iman, donde esta Iman? Ah, aqui esta Iman." Iman was a little white dog in the Spanish language films who was always wandering off from his owners Emilio and Amelia while they were busy looking at each other lustfully. I'm sure if I hadn't been so creeped out by the fact that Emilio and Amelia were brother and sister, I would have learned more.

  • At 1:27 AM, Blogger Jester said…

    I love that free says your post title translates to:

    "This world is not rather big for the both of them we!"

    I"m kind of addicted to looking at my stats, and where my visitors come from. I tend to attract a lot of people from the phillipines and taiwan. Actually... that's true in real life, too. Wonder why that is?

  • At 4:05 PM, Blogger othur-me said…

    Liz - god help him the day his testicles actually catch on fire and he just arrived in a new country.

    Other Girl - No wonder everyone hates high school spanish. Iman, Emilio, and Ameila? Tongue twister from hell!

    Jester - apparently can't correctly retranslate its own transation back to the original. It does make it much funnier that way, though.

  • At 2:51 PM, Blogger Kara Lennox said…

    I just did a search trying to find some reference to those Spanish filmstrips from school.

    Hey, it was "Aqui vienne Iman." Not sure I spelled it correctly, though.

    I don't remember Emilio and Amelia. I remember the two older boys going swimming ("Vamos a nadar") and I remember a box full of frogs: "Milles y milles de ranas."

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