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The ramblings and observations of a kidney transplant recipient, although not necessarily for that reason.

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Friday, October 06, 2006
Today my cell phone rings:

:::ring ring:::

Me: Hello?

Audrey: Is this //othurme's very official name//?

M: Yup

A: This is Audrey with Wells Fargo Bank.

M: Hi, Audrey.

A: I need to verify a charge on your account.

M: Okay.

A: First I'll need to verify your identity by having you give me your social security number.

M: Well, why don't YOU give it to ME? I called me. How do I know you're really with Wells Fargo Bank? I'm not in the habit of reciting my social security number to strangers that call me on the phone.

A: Sir, I can't go any farther with this phone call until I verify your identity.

M: And I can't go any farther until you prove to me you work for wells fargo bank. Can you fax me your 1099 and a picture ID with your name on it?

A: :::silence:::

M: See? Similary I don't want to give you any of my personal information. This could be an indentity theft in progress.

A: How about the debit card account number associated with this account.

M: First of all I don't know what account you're talking about. I have multiple accounts with Wells Fargo. Secondly, if you think I'm giving out my debit card number instead of my social security number, your thought process is moving in the wrong direction, unless you don't really work for Wells Fargo. Why don't you give me a phone number I can call you back at and I'll verify you work for the bank by having you give me the combination for the big vault and the hours that the security guard takes a break?

A: :::silence:::

M: No? Do you want to give your mother's maiden name?

A: :::silence:::

M: Do you even understand how ridiculous it is that you work in a high security industry and you call people on the phone and make them tell you their social security number?

A: Could you give me your birthday?

M: Not unless you are planning on getting me a present.

A: If I give you the account number and you just tell me the mailing address on that account, will that work for you? I don't think anyone can steal your identy with just your mailing address. If they stole on one of your statements, both of those would be on it.

M: Sounds good.

A: ///perferct recitation of othurme's checking account number///

M: ///perfect recitation of othurme's mailing address///

A: THANK YOU! Did you write a check to Joe Schmoe in the amount of $X? The signature on the check doesn't look like your normal signature.

M: Yes I did. Now, is there anything else I can help you with today? Can I interest you in a low interest car loan?

A: No thank you. Goodbye. :::hang up::: (The word "Asshole" echoed in the sound of her phone disconnecting)
posted by othur-me @ 5:53 PM  
  • At 6:36 PM, Blogger Jester said…

    I love it. I do this same shit all the time. The last time someone asked me my social over the phone I sang the Sesame Street "1234..5.. 6789 10.. 11... twehhhhhhhhllllve."

    They didn't get it.

    Stupid bank people.

  • At 3:16 AM, Blogger Killer said…

    Strange call. Even after she gave me my account number I would still probably not believe her.

    The best way to get rid of telemarketers, and I guess also scam artists is to say,
    "I am naked....keep talking, I am about to masturbate."

  • At 8:01 AM, Blogger rawbean said…

    Nice Layout!

    Awesome Phone Action there Othur-me. I would have been suspicious too! I think it's really funny that it was legitimate though.

  • At 1:06 PM, Blogger othur-me said…

    Because she didn't have any real slick excuses after the first time she asked, I knew she was really from WFB after the first time she asked for my SSN.

    The beauty if my Aholeishness is that I still fucked with her anyways.

  • At 1:07 PM, Blogger othur-me said…

    Rawbean - thanks for noticing the layout. It as all Jester's doing.

  • At 1:56 PM, Blogger type1emt said…

    those little green pills aren't tictacs,I take it..
    Sheesh-banks actually ASK for SS #'s over the phone?I've never been asked for anything more then the last 4 digits,etc.(on anything) but ya gotta be careful.

  • At 2:10 PM, Blogger Jane said…

    Have you asked her out yet?

  • At 2:27 PM, Blogger mjd said…

    You are new and green since my last visit.

    I do not have a nice telephone demeanor. I usually hang-up as I am telling the telemarketer that we do not make donations over the phone. If a telemarketer wants personal information, maybe I would tell them to get screwed. But Killer's method may be the best.

  • At 1:31 PM, Anonymous fringes said…

    If I had any idea how to upload an audio clip, I'd send you a link to the funniest telemarketer's revenge prank call. Meanwhile, it's by Tom Mabe who is on some sort of crusade against those types of calls. Sorry for throwing all these search engine keywords at you. I'm techno-illiterate.

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