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Dear Manager At Office Depot,
Thursday, August 24, 2006

As I entered your store, I was quite prepared to walk straight to the section of the store I was familiar with, pick up the items I usually do, pay for them and leave, only to forget that I had ever been there. This being my regular experience at your establishment.

However, I was having too much fun watching people yell at you to do the usual "get it and forget it" thing. As I entered the section where the report covers were, you walked by with a customer in tow, showing her the way to some other part of the store. The two of you happened to pass another customer, an old guy with a MAJOR chip on his shoulder, who was desperately in need of a microphone(?). Just as you passed him he exclaimed "HEY! Why are you helping her?!? You WERE helping me and I'm waiting for you to get me my DAMN microphone(?)!" Your desperate response of "Sir, this should only take me a few seconds," didn't seem to appease him and it only made him yell at you louder, "Getting me my f*%king microphone should only take you few seconds, then you can help her!" I was about to tell him to calm down, but you seemed to have the situation under control by sweating profusely from your forehead and saying rather meekly, "Yes sir." I grabbed my report covers and moved to the section of the store where the insertable dividers should be just as the other lady was about to yell at your for ceasing in the middle of helping her and going to grab a microphone(?).

I couldn't find the dividers that I came for, but I noticed you had recently rearranged the store, so I figured I would wander around and see if I could find them. I did find SOME dividers, but not insterable dividers, the most common dividers used today. The kind that you probably keep in stock by the thousands. I finally gave up and made my way to the counter to ask where they might be. Probably in the back somewhere. On my way to the counter, I noticed you had finished helping the guy with the microphone(?) and the lady before/after him. You were now in the middle of another interesting conversation. Some soccer mom (teen at her side) was reaming you for not price matching Comp USA on a printer she wanted to purchase from you. She was mad because your price was $15 dollars higher than your competitor's. She didn't realize that you were a savvy salesman, and that you were betting that she was not willing to go to Comp USA (5 miles way) just to save $15. As she ripped your hole into a million pieces you stood your ground, calling what you thought was her bluff, and telling her (also meekly) "I'm sorry ma'am. I don't set the prices." You didn't even flinch when she turned to her son and said, "C'mon Jimmy, they're all f*%king crazy here! Lets go!". I mean, sure, you didn't make a sale, but you certainly didn't have to bend over for that lady for a measly $15 either. I mean, we all know you could've, but not to HER!

As I stood at the counter, talking to checkout agent #1, I was half-listening to your microphone(?) buddy complain about you to checkout agent #2 and your low level of customer service, him not realizing that usually the 16 year old checkout agents are not the store superiors and can do nothing about it as they take THEIR orders from you. When checkout agent #1 didn't understand what I was looking for or the fact that they were not on shelf....when she directed me to the shelf I told her they were not on, and then you decided to intervene. I explained my situation and what I was looking for. Insertable Dividers. You usually have tons of them as they are a very common item used in businesses and schools all over the world. You told me, "We sold out."

Now I realized that you were having a bad 20 minutes at work, and that you probably didn't want to look in the back, but I really needed to finish a report at work. TODAY. So I politely asked, "Are you sure there are none in the back? Its a very common item." You responded, feeling the weight of your last few customers and no longer willing to give your answers meekly, "Look man, we're sold out. Its back to school time and they cleaned me out!" ..... ok?...... right.... the students who have not yet been assigned a single report, have cleaned you out of report divders. I understand what's going on here. You, sir, are a very bad man. I was not willing to tell you this at the store, because I noticed your a-hole already spread out all over the printer and microphone(?) departments and I was feeling a little sorry for you, but.......f*%k you!

Sincerely,
New Staples Customer


PS......microphones? At Office Depot?
posted by othur-me @ 4:02 PM  
6 Comments:
  • At 1:07 PM, Blogger Red said…

    Ha, priceless. It's so funny how stressed those office store workers get around back to school time. And once you find out about the extra rewards bucks at Staples, you'll never go anywhere else!

     
  • At 1:39 PM, Blogger othur-me said…

    Yeah, but they are at least 5 miles farther. I usually order online and only go tothe store for emergencies. Eh..whatever, I'll probably still go back to Office Depot. I'm not a very good boycotter.

     
  • At 2:55 PM, Blogger mjd said…

    Hmmm, although my experience was less stressful, my last trip to Office Depot for whatever school supply framastam that I desparately needed yielded the same result. Not seeing any help, I inquired about the framastams at customer service(???) The customer service(???) personnel called for somebody on the floor in the framastam department. After about 3 hours and fifteen years, the somebody on the floor came to my aid(???) Her answer to"Do you have any framastams?" was, "No." Like you, "I asked maybe you have some in the back?" Her answer, "No." Not I will check and see; not those are on back order; not I am sorry we sold out yesterday. After my experience and your similar experience, I have concluded that Office Depot unlike other stores does not have a back and does not especially want our business. It is Office Max for me.

     
  • At 5:00 PM, Blogger Jane said…

    "You, sir, are a very bad man."
    I don't know why...but this made me laugh out loud. :O)

     
  • At 9:10 PM, Blogger othur-me said…

    mjd - Rock On Office Max!

    jane - well....he was

     
  • At 6:47 PM, Blogger don't call me MA'AM said…

    Woo hoo!

    That's why Staples has the Easy Button, and Office Max just has stressed out employees.

     
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