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The ramblings and observations of a kidney transplant recipient, although not necessarily for that reason.

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Wednesday, August 23, 2006
So for anyone who knows me it should come as no surprise that I have been known to make a wager or two. Black Jack, Craps, Football, Girls High School Field Hockey, whatever.....I'll bet. On more than one occasion I've been known to host a poker game. My games are small potatoes, though (probably large potatoes for some, but small potatoes for real poker players). $20 buy in, tournament style, 6-10 player, pay the top 2 or 3. Its fun, no one goes broke, and there's usually enough beer and Red Bull to get everyone to the mood they want to be in.

A couple times a year, my old roommate Zack invites me to a poker game with higher stakes. $100 buy in, 30-40 players, pay the top 6 or 7, pizza, chips, and again, enough booze and energy drinks to get you to your own personal high. My friends and/or I usually contend at the final table. There are lots of players that are not card/gambling savvy. We are not among them. None of us are slouches. On average, we probably understand more subtleties of the game than the average player. No pros among us, though.

Last time, Kevin (the host) instituted a new rule. In addition to your $100 buy in, you have to give $20 to the person who knocks you out of the game. It TOTALLY sucks. The tension of a good poker hand.....one man against another....each thinking they are going to hit the right combination to double up or get fatter......you wait to see the cards....here they come.... you need a 7.....only a 7 will help you......there it is....its a......SIX! SHIT....one card away....."Thanks for the game guys, I almost hit my card." As you start to walk away the guy who just took the last of your chips says......"Dude, you gotta give me a 20 spot!" CRAP THAT'S A TOTAL SUCKER PUNCH!

So there we were, all playing our game, none of us doing very well. My roommate Paul got knocked out on the first hand. I had to give my $20 in the first round, too. Doomed to just sit around and root for my buddies, or pick up a side game. But I wasn't really in the mood for any more poker. It was actually my second day out of the hospital after a kidney transplant. I opted to throw back some Vicodin and watch my buddies lose their money.

So, like I said, there was lots of dead money* players in the game. One of them was Kevin's grandmother. She usually shows up to these things to watch the kids, but apparently she decided to play this time. "That's cool," everyone says to themselves, "I'm happy to take her money." But this dead money was on a streak. Playing any two cards, any time, no strategy, no betting skills, no sense of when to back down. She had no need to back down though, she was the luckiest old gal I've ever seen. Filling in straights, setting her pocket pairs, full houses. I'm pretty sure she made four of a kind once that night.

Here's the thing, when you see a loose cannon like that, you're waiting for the time she does something stupid so you can bust her for trying that shit on you. These are the players you want to be all in against with a good hand, but no one could take her down. All you heard from that table was Player say "All In"....cards drop, Crowd say "OOOOOOH".......Granny say "Give me my 20 bucks!", over.....and over......and over. Knockin' em all down.....good players heard "Give me my 20 bucks".....bad player heard "Give me my 20 bucks"....Kevin heard "Give me my 20 bucks" all from the gristly voice of one old lady who's been smoking for 50 years. "GIVE ME MY 20 BUCKS....:::cough:::.....:::cough:::...NOW!" I don't think she won the tournament, but she placed in the money, and made out like a bandit knocking people out of the game.

So, the game is coming up again in a couple weeks, same buy in, same rules, same basic stuff. So I have approx 2.5 weeks to find a place where I can buy 7 (one for all my friends and I) large-Xlarge T shirts that say the following:

Front: GUNNIN' FOR GRANNY!

Back: THIS TIME ITS PERSONAL!


*Dead money is a poker term used to describe someone who has no chance to win the game.
posted by othur-me @ 9:03 PM  
5 Comments:
  • At 12:24 AM, Blogger Jester said…

    Makes me think of "The Little Old Lady from Pasadena."
    Go Granny Go.

    Who do I have to blow to get an invite to a poker game sometime? All those hours sitting with you at a blackjack table should count for something!

     
  • At 12:35 AM, Blogger othur-me said…

    You will not be in town for this game, but I'll keep you in mind for next time.

     
  • At 4:56 PM, Blogger Jane said…

    I'm rooting for Granny! &... I think it's sweet you guys let her play poker with you!

     
  • At 11:20 PM, Blogger Killer said…

    It sounds to me like granny might not be such dead money after all. She might be sharkin' you guys for some quick cash.
    Maybe in the early years Granny worked the poker circuits.

     
  • At 11:21 PM, Blogger othur-me said…

    Jane - she not as sweet as she sounds. I may not have painted the correct picture of her.

    Killer - believe me, the thought had crossed my mind.

     
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